July 7, 2006
 
BLEACH BLANKET BINGO: Blond Gone Wrong
 
By Lisa Heyamoto
Sacramento Bee
 

Gwen Stefani. (SHNS photo by David Gabber / photorazzi.com)

You can hardly swing a bottle of bleach in Hollywood without hitting a blond of the not-so-natural variety. Dyeing your hair, it seems, kind of comes with the Mystic Tan punch card when you move to the 323.
 
But while the "when in Rome" philosophy is seldom a bad thing, sometimes those blonds just don't get it right. Our case in point: Kate Bosworth at the L.A. premiere of "Superman Returns." It's never a good idea to match your hair with your skin, but with her slicked-back 'do and keeping-with-the-color-scheme white dress? We were a little scared. Clearly the stars don't have enough people telling them what to do, so we checked in with Alexandra Seuthe, Hair Czar of the blog www.badhairday.typepad.com to see who her Top Five Bad Blonds are * and what they can do to lose that distinction.
 
The Top Five Bad Blonds
 
1. Nicole Kidman
 
* What's up with the hair? The classic hair-matches-skin syndrome. There is such a thing as being too blond.
 
* What's going on there? The average white woman starts to go gray at 34, Seuthe says. At 39, Kidman is probably trying to dye that age right out of her hair. Problem is, gray hair doesn't hold color, so when red became out of the question, she probably opted for the more-workable blond.
 
* What she should tell her stylist: Kidman should pull a Cher and pull out the wigs.
 

Tara Reid. (SHNS photo by Chris Hatcher / photorazzi.com)

2. Gwen Stefani
 
* What's up with the hair? Platinum is great for a record, but maybe not so much for the coiffure.
 
* What's going on there? Stefani just seems to have an affinity for the bleach. That and the garish red lipstick.
 
* What she should tell her stylist: Seuthe says Stefani should go for a more multidimensional blond, especially now that she's a mom and can't be spending all her time at the salon.
 
3. Paris Hilton
 
* What's up with the hair? Among the heiress's many other dubious characteristics, she has kept the same boring blond for as long as we've been forced to look at her, Seuthe says. Combine that with her taste in cheap-looking extensions and she's a bombshell. But, you know, minus the "shell."
 
* What's going on there? Plain old bad taste.
 
* What she should tell her stylist: Seuthe says she should go for a warm, brown tone, with blond highlights if she's bent on the color. That, and maybe use some of that famed money to invest in better hairpieces.
 
4. Tara Reid
 
* What's up with the hair? Yellow locks and ratty extensions.
 
* What's going on there? Since hair extensions are woven into natural hair, they can be hard to brush. But sheesh, you've still got to do it.
 
* What she should tell her stylist: Lose the horsehair and grow the human hair to shoulder length, Seuthe says. Or put down the drink and get some detangler.
 
5. Ryan Seacrest
 
* What's up with the hair? Man highlights.
 
* What's going on there? Man highlights. Bad ones.
 
* What he should tell his stylist: Men just shouldn't be trying that hard, Seuthe says. Keep it dark and low-maintenance, she advises. And a run-in with some shaving cream wouldn't hurt, either.
 
Reach Lisa Heyamoto at lheyamoto@sacbee.com
 
Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service, www.scrippsnews.com.