The Mindful Family: The Mirrored Self
By Charlton Hall, MMFT, LMFT-I
Last week we talked a bit about True Self. True Self is who you would be if you were free of any limitations. When we begin to examine our own barriers to living in True Self, we often discover that what’s keeping us from living up to our own potential is what and how we think about ourselves. Mindful Ecotherapy is a way to ‘get out of your own way’ and allow yourself to connect with the person you were meant to be.
Getting in touch with your True Self begins with getting in touch with your own body. Try this: Find a mirror. It’s better to have a full-length mirror for this exercise, but if you don’t have one available, a hand-held mirror will work.
Look into the mirror, and describe what you see. Be specific, and be detailed. It may help to write down what you see. Do this before reading the rest of this column. No cheating!
Western culture tends to focus a great deal on appearances. We’ve been conditioned in our society to believe that our external identity defines who we are. In other words, how we look tends to dictate how we feel. If we don’t consider ourselves attractive, our self-esteem suffers and we feel insecure about ourselves.
What we tend to forget is that the opposite viewpoint can be true as well. That is, how we feel about ourselves can dictate how attractive we appear to others. Have you ever met someone whose poise and self-confidence immediately made them more attractive to you? Such a person has learned to accept their body with all of its flaws and imperfections, but also with all of its assets and good points. Their attitude and how they feel about themselves has actually worked to make them more attractive to those around them.
Go back to what you described when you looked at yourself in the mirror. If you said anything about your physical appearance that was negative, think of at least two positive things about your appearance as well. For example, if you wrote, “I don’t like my nose,” you might think instead, “I have a nice smile,” and, “I like my eyes.” For every item on your list that was negative, try to think of two positive things about yourself. If you do this every time you have a negative thought about your appearance, soon you’ll train your mind to be more positive about not only your appearance, but also about other aspects of yourself as well.
If you described any positive character traits while looking in the mirror, think about how those traits manifest themselves in your body. As you focus on the positive aspects of yourself, do you notice any changes within your own body? Do you stand up straighter when you meditate on your good qualities? Do you feel muscle tension beginning to evaporate when you think about your positive character traits? Make it a part of your daily routine to look at yourself in the mirror for a minute or two, focusing only on the positive. Feel what this positive energy does to the way you carry yourself.
They say beauty is only skin deep, but poise and confidence radiate from your soul. This confidence is a skill that can be learned by practicing positive affirmations on a daily basis.
Charlton Hall is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapy Intern and the Director of the Mindful Ecotherapy Organization (www.mindfulecotherapy.org). You may contact him at: chuck@mindfulecotherapy.org.